Everlasting Conflicts...

Many things will be coming to an end today.

It's the end of 2013, lets welcome 2014 with open arms.

It's the end of my teen years too, goodbye to the young me.

But why doesn't conflicts come to an end too? Why do they keep on happening and last for a very long time? End of year, end of conflicts, it makes sense this way right? But even with so close to the finishing days of 2013, conflicts still appear and occur, they don't disappear. They stay in your life forever, you will always encounter them.

These conflicts, I don't want them to happen, but yet they do. No matter how hard you try to prevent them, they occur again and again, and you will always bump into them. I don't want to be part of it, and I don't want to be out of it as I have to be the middle person, the mediator. I don't want to know about it, don't get me involved. 

Just in the last week of 2013, there has been 2 conflicts, one within the family and one between my friends of 3 years. And sadly, both are still on going, no where near their end. In fact, it is getting more worse day by day as the conflicting parties further add to the fury of arguments, not wanting to give in. For both, I'm the middle party, the one that has to deal with both ends, I find that this is more difficult and irritating than being in a conflict. You have to deal with the tension in between, and always be wary, because at any time, either or both party might flare up and you will have to listen to them rattle on on how much they dislike one another. You will have to live with that feeling that something has to be done, but you don't know what to do. There are times where you are put in hot soup and loses at both ends as they find out you are in contact with their enemy. 

Some of these conflicts, you have been seeing them for so long, so much that you keep asking yourself when is it going to end. When? After today? Next year end? 

Ends come and go, leaving you to say goodbye to your past.

But why can't we wave goodbye to conflicts too?

Part of the Future

Another Christmas eve. I've realized, as you get older, the spirit of Christmas dies with you. What happen to those child like Christmas songs we used to sing? The Christmas trees and the colorfully wrapped presents underneath it? Santa will give out his presents tonight to the children on the nice list. Dear Santa, instead of giving presents could you give me answers?

A year is coming to an end, and a new start is arriving.

But I have no idea what the new year brings, what my resolutions are and I have no plans.

A part of the learning path has been covered, finished and put aside.

All is left is the determining results which can both crush and liven your dreams.

A step out to the world has been taken, a step that can never be forgotten.

But it is just one step, no more no, less, and I have no courage to take another.

A route for the near future days have been made, and there is no use regretting.

But is the route what I really want? Is it worth taking? Or is it one that I will regret from the start?

So many questions, so many new experiences, so many confused and clueless emotions within me. Am I already working for the future? Am I already part of my future, or is it just the future of yesterdays? What am I supposed to do or be in my future? Is it really up to me to decide, or there is really no such thing as choosing your future? 

There is one thing for sure, working is definitely going to be both part of the present and in the future. Whether is it to earn a living, for the experience or having no choice to, it has to be done. So I've started trying it out, I've started working part time. My first time in the outside world, my first time earning my own money. Well, there is a first time for everything, and first times are not always pleasant. 

The working life seems like a mundane and boring one. You wake up early, do a morning routine, get to the workplace, and do the tasks given to you. Then, the most interesting thing of the day will happen, Lunch Break! After which, you carry on with your work, bid goodbye and return home. So many usual happenings, so many routines repeating day after day, that it gets boring and you lose the meaning of fun, smiles and even the meaning of life itself. There are no longer smiles on the faces of the people, no eagerness to start a new day of work. The unhappy souls I meet on the public transport dampens my mood on my way to work, Try to be cheerful, I smile, only to get glares and numerous 'are you crazy' looks of the other commuters. 

So this is really part of the future, part of the unhappiness you cannot escape from. You have to be part of it, before you can be accepted as a part of the society, as part of the future.