IRONY in Life

The word irony is used to convey a meaning that is opposite of its literal meaning. That's the dictionary definition. 

Life is so full of ironies that it forms an endless list. You would expect this outcome to happen, but in reality, the opposite happens. You can work hard for something, but you will get a contrasting result, in which many times it is a failure. You can have a planned dream, but many of the times, it is being shattered by reality. So who created irony? Why create ironies in life, making it so hard to live and bear? Why make things so negative and unexpected? Why? 

But thinking about it, isn't the ironies created by us, by oneself, due to our fickle-minded nature? You can decide to do things, then not do it again, and expect the outcome to be the same, to what you thought it would be if you have done it. You can do things for a certain reason, yet in the end the reason is invalid and isn't important anymore. You can make friends and strengthen relationships that you treasure over text messages or through games. when come to face-to-face conversations, one expects the conversation to be more comfortable and easy, but in reality, it became more awkward and there's nothing to say to each other. 

Here's one irony in my life.
I've set up this blog for various reasons. 
Firstly, I needed to let things out. Sure I could find someone to talk to, but I'm terrible at speaking and finding words to explain how I feel. I can't talk face to face with people, I will be at a loss at what to say to that person, no matter how close or understanding the person is to me. By telling them what the real me is, I feel insecure  I feel too exposed and vulnerable. Can I really trust this person? Will he blackmail me with my truths?
Secondly, I am wary of how people view me. With me telling them how I really feel, will they judge me? Will they think I'm just an emotional brat who can't control her emotions? Or someone who thinks too much and easily influenced by others? 
Thirdly and lastly, I've given up on writing a diary. Not because I'm too lazy to write, but due to certain busybodies in the house that refuses to give me my personal space and read my diary entries secretly. So this 'online diary' is safer. They don't even know I have a blog, any more do they know the random URL I've created to access this. And for readers outside the people I know, they don't know me, and I won't get affected by their views.  

So here's the thing. I've create this blog for not letting people know the real me. But recently, I have the urge to tell people about my blog. Ironic isn't it? I'm scared of people knowing the real me and my feelings, but yet I want someone to know about this. I want them to read and understand me. Should I? Or not? But will they change their view of the quiet me? 

Irony, I've placed it in my life myself.

That's the thing... ...

That's the thing about stress. They build up pressure way past exploding point.

That's the thing about failures. They make you more depressed than you already are.

That's the thing about losing yourself. You don't know what's the real you.

That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.

That's the thing about reality. It slaps you and shatters your dreams.

That's the thing about me. I want to give up and runaway, but I can't.

Sometimes such circumstances start running straight into your life and you can't avoid it. No matter how hard you try, it comes back face to face with you. Going round it won't help. Climbing over it doesn't help either. The only way is to go head first into it, even if you are not prepared. I am failing over and over again at the same spot, sometimes even falling backwards to a spot further away. I've tried getting a head-start running through the obstacle, but all I get is blisters from running. I've tried numerous plans to get through it, but one by one they fail, causing me to fall backwards further than I already am.

I want to give, drop everything and let go of it. Is going through this obstacle necessary? It is even beneficial? Can I please stop now? I'm drained, lifeless, unfocused and am no longer useful. 

That's the thing about life. We can't escape from it at all.

Unanswered Questions

Graduation Day. A part of my life in the education system is coming to an end.

Endings should be beautiful, complete, but sometimes sad.

But I feel nothing if the sort, only the incessant feeling of many unanswered questions that I yearn for the answers of them. 

Questions that I want to ask, but I don't dare to. 

Doubts that you wished to be clarified, but there is no way of approaching it.

I'm tired of explaining the situation to everyone.

''Are they together?'' ''So sweet, they are a couple?'' ''Since when?''

A couple. Are they? I glanced at the close proximity between the girl, one of my closest friends, and the boy, someone who we have been in the same class since 3 years ago. The girl's head on the boy's shoulder, eyes close and smile on her face, both oblivious to the attention that are getting.

There shouldn't be such secrets between us as close and best friends, should there? I have questioned my bestie countless times. Nope, not together, is what she always says. Every time I question, I will get the same answer. So I tell them what she told me, ''No, they are not together, just really close friends.''

But your closeness to the boy is making me doubtful. At this point in time, even I myself am unsure what the situation really is. There is no longer the friend zone space between the boy and friend. Wouldn't that mean that he is your boyfriend, and something more than just friends? You are always talking to him, leaving the rest of your besties and me out. I can't even put in a word when you are with him. When I talk to you, you don't reply me, keeping your eyes and smile directed at him. You push me away and put your arms around his waist.  You easily get irritated with me, yet you willingly hug him and thank him for being a wonderful friend. Is it still just friends?

I want to question you again. Will you still give me the same answer? 

We just have less than two months before we go our separate paths, and I really don't want this to spoil our treasured friendship.

The bonds between the five treasured friends were once with infinite strength, sharing the best, absolute and perfect moments together.

But even at infinity and beyond, we are drifting apart, slowly.

I don't want to lose my besties. 

But the unanswered question still remains. 

I don't want to WAKE UP!

I wish to escape from this nightmare.

I wish that I could do things as good as a someone else.

I wish people will see me for who I am, and not based on my results.

I wish we could chase back the sunrise, to slow the world down and give us time to think.

I wish that at least some of these wishes I make will come true.

But the world we lived in is never wish-granting factory. 

No matter how hard you try, these wishes just won't be fulfilled. You've tried working hard towards it, but it gets even further. over and over again you have tried, so much that you are already losing focus.

I dream for a bright future of sunny days and laughter.

I dream of being excepted the way I am.

I dream about experiences that I yearn for, to feel new feelings.

I dream of a place where dreams and reality really meets.

I dream of fantasies which I know will never come true.

What's the point of dreaming and setting goals when you can never achieve them?

Sometimes I wish I'll never wake up.

Because once you do, your dreams will be crushed and reality will slapped you again.

That's just the way of life... ... and it will always be... ...