⚖ Creaky Seesaw

I sat gingerly at the end of the wooden plank. I'm afraid, with a little movement, there would be chaos and equilibrium would be disturbed. Any sudden weight shift would cause the seesaw to move and creak in this deafening silence. A minute creak sounded, echos and engraved in my mind incessantly.  

I watched in dismay, as a single dandelion seed flittered and landed on the opposite end of the seesaw. 

Will it affect the current balance that is peaceful and stagnant?
Will it cause me to lose my balance and fall off? 
Will it affect the equilibrium in my life and cause uncertainty?

The seed of the dandelion gently rests on the other end of the wooden plank I was on, putting down its full weight amid its fluff of white.

One second, two seconds, three seconds...
There wasn't any movement or creaks in the seesaw.

In this seesaw universe, the weight of a single dandelion seed makes no difference. The seesaw's balance isn't thrown off by it, it isn't affected. Unlike me, any shifts in my weight have caused the seesaw to creak unbearingly. I can make a difference in this universe, my actions will affect it. I'm somebody in this universe. The seesaw universe, is just me and the dandelion seed. It's the universe of me, myself and I. I have the ability to make the seesaw creak and lose its balance. It's within my control

But...
On a greater scale, the seesaw universe is just a speck in the bigger universe. 
No one will heed any attention to it, if the seesaw creaks or moves up and down. The outside world is oblivious to this, it doesn't care. Why should it? The ups and downs of the seesaw aren't going to affect this larger universe.

Everything else, in life's universe, it isn't within my reach.

Once again, I've broken promises to myself, by not writing once a month.
I've tried, I really did, but...it just didn't happen...

🍁 Changing seasons

The leaves are falling, 
Falling as if from far above.
Yellow, browns and orange hues,
Withering leaves and sprouting mushrooms.
This autumn has come too soon.

We are all falling,
Just like the leaves in the breeze.
At mercy of of each hustle and rustle,
Falling with a glide or a thud,
The seasons are changing too soon.

It will not always be like this,
The wind in my mind echos at me.
Once the tale of falling leaves is over,
Frost and chills will come.
Only then flowers will peek and bloom.

Counting the falling leaves,
And with each leaf holds a memory.
From the days' chores and thoughts,
To the warmth of the heated summer.
This season was gone too soon.

An entry of random musings for this month.
Honestly, my thoughts and emotions are still in a mess this month with all the happenings. I don't know what I'm feeeling anymore. Am I still in denial? Or have I accepted the fact that the chilly season had come too early? 
What season am I living in now? 

Also, I wonder what it really is like in Autumn. I've always said this was my favourite season, but I have never experienced it before. I really love the colours of Autumn, the falling leaves and the gentle breeze, at least that is what I imagined. Fall fashion, spiced lattes and pumpkin pies, I want to experience it at least once.

Oh wells, I will need to survive through these seasons of happenings and sea of emotions before I can experience anything.

🗨 Recollecting silent thoughts 💬

It has been a year, hasnt it?

An entire year since a new chapter of life has begun.

An entire year since I decided to 'grow up' and step outside.

An entire year since I tried making myself useful.

A little more than a year has past, many things have changed. From new experiences to people met and brefriended, many of which could not be fortold the year before. I've never thought I would 'grow' so much within a year, from leading a stagnent life to one now full of ups and downs.

Mistakes made, lessons learnt, are all these really neccessary?
The me from the past have been altered, weakened and sharpened like a well-used tool. I think I've grown to become more open and somewhat noisier, but many might want to differ. 

More recently, I find myself in situations where my brain to mouth filter just shuts off. The words that come out are sometimes spiteful and unforgiving. Many of the times I regret what I say after the words leave my mouth. Why do I not think before I speak? What on earth am I saying? Who am I to say anything? With so many of such instances, I really want to revert back to my slightly quieter self from a year ago.

Deep down, I know I'm still just me. 
The timid me who is still afraid of public speaking.
The fearful me who is afraid of hurting others.
The clueless me who still needs a guiding light out of the dark.

It has been awhile since I last posted. I've been breaking promises made to myself lately, and not making time for myself. Self-care is important, but I have not spend time on myself. 

Life... has been tiring.

Sometimes I do miss the stagnancy from one year before.

Down the rabbit hole 🐇

I am not a white rabbit, 
And neither am I Alice.
I do wish I live in a fairy tale,
With everything both real and unreal,
Down the rabbit hole I go.

I wasn't chasing after anything, 
And neither was I searching.
Let's start chasing after our dreams, they said, 
Life goes on, it doesn't wait,
Down the rabbit hole I go.

There isn't a light at the end of the tunnel,
And neither was there a rabbit in sight.
Falling because I'm afraid of landing,
With a calm facade of just pretending.
Down the rabbit hole I go.

Let's go meet the Cheshire cat,
And have a cup of tea with the Mad Hatter.
Eating and drinking as I'm told so,
For I know there is room to grow,
Down the rabbit hole I go.

💬 Poetic Musings

The laundry pile is piling up,
As I stand at the edge of oblivion.
I could really just toss them into the wash.
But for now, it has been put on pause.

If only life was as easy to handle as a pile of laundry, 
It builds up and up when nothing is done.
But after a quick load or two it shrinks back down.
And all is left is the warm smell of clean linen and an empty basket.

Exhaustion takes a hold of me,
A suffocating headache and half-lidded eyes.
Getting up to stretch and yawn once more,
And begrudgingly having to face what's in store.

My eyes burn from staring at the screen.
There is so much that I need to complete.
A piling pile and a never-ending heap,
There would only be so much that I can handle.