The subtle but persistent feeling out of place, like a seal on a beach.
Like a fish out of water.
Like a boat in a desert.
Like a giraffe in the ocean.
Side note: Giraffes can't swim, did you know that?
A complex word for an emotion that is difficult to describe.
I found this word in a list called "23 Emotions People Feel, But Can't Explain".
I guess, it can be explain now right?
I have felt this feeling of monachopsis for quite some time already, but I didn't address it. I mean, I didn't know how to. Having this feeling was like questioning my existence and the reason for being alive.
Who am I?
What is my purpose?
Why am I here?
Is this me? Or am I acting?
Was I pretending to be someone I'm not just to fit in and live up to expectations?
I don't feel like me, but what does 'me' feel like?
Immature? Unmotivated? Shallow-minded?
I feel that I do not fit in, whether within my friends, colleagues, and sometimes my family. I get that, we are different, but are we too different? It is getting increasingly difficult to hold a conversation, I'm horrible at that. I don't have things to talk about, life is pretty boring. I do want to talk, but I'm always afraid that I will come off as a childish and shallow-minded person. I'm too wary of how others view me, aren't I? It's unsettling.
It is nagging me at the back of my mind every time I meet with people, subtle but persistent, reminding me that I don't actually fit in.
That beneath this quiet shell of mine, is emptiness and loneliness.
