My eyes are glistening, are they not?
I think I just yawned.
Maybe I've got something in my eye.
It's just that my eyes are dry.
Hence, the glitter sparkles in my eyes.
I want to be able to give an excuse.
I want them to come, I want to just cry out.
But they won't come, the tears don't come.
I've been so out of contact with my own emotions that I do not know what to feel anymore. Happiness? Resentment? Sadness? What are they and where have they been? Is this the effect of being stoned face and hiding you true feelings a couple of times? Has it become a habit?
Even when I feel down, I always tell myself, tomorrow is a new day, everything will be better after a night of fitful sleep. I will wake up the next day and pretend yesterday didn't happen, just continue on with life. There is something new and exciting that will come within a new day or the next.
But it's a different story now.
Every morning, I don't want to leave my bed. I reluctantly tear the safety cocoon of my blanket and dread the day. I don't want to get through another day of discomfort, resentment, disappointment and other negative thoughts.
I wished for a clear blue sky, not an overcast one.
I wished for a bright sunny day, not one with torrential rain and storms.
I wished for free flying birds, not caged ones.
Go get a proper job and built your life and retirement fund.
You need to get experience, and be part of the society outside.
Haven't you been resting enough?
But a sudden thought crashes through my head.
What if I don't live till retirement age?
I need to get these morbid thoughts out of my mind.
It's suffocating.
But my expression does not change.
