🌅 A Day Dedicated to Me 👧

With a few more days left in 2020, I feel the need to at least accomplish something that I always wanted to do and try. 

I have always wanted to go on a trip on my own, overseas, that is. 
However, there always seem to be restrictions and liabilities that I need to deal with. I wasn't "allowed" to venture far alone. I needed to "grow up" before finding an adventure. I couldn't bring myself to have fun alone, when others could tag along.

Since I can't go overseas, why not be a tourist in my own country? 
Sure, My home country is small, there isn't much to see, but the thought of spending a vast majority of the day on my own, outside and without anyone I know or recognised with me, is giving me thrills. It is exciting but nerve-wrecking, I haven't actually done this before.

Putting on my favourite socks, most comfortable shoes and my handy backpack, I set off with much vigour and worry, hoping this day would go well.

And it did.

I didn't have to take into account about the likes and interests of other people. 
I could just venture where my feet would take me, step by step.

I didn't have to wait on anyone or vice versa. 
I could spend time fully and slowly, no restrictions, no timetable to follow.

I didn't have to deal with mood swings and emotions of others.
I could take charge of the day based on my own emotions and thoughts.

It feels... ... free. Is this what freedom feels like?

But it does get lonely, especially during mealtimes. 

Coming back after a day of exploration, I question myself, why did I want to do this so badly? Have I learnt anything?

Was I exploring the sights, or was I exploring myself?

Was I doing this to desperately escaping the rising discomfort and tension at home?

Was I just attempting to leave the reality that I want to deny from so badly?

Maybe it wasn't about getting the permission to travel solo.

Maybe it wasn't about being "not allowed" to seek adventure.

Maybe it was just me ... ... feeling scared.