One Lunar Year Ago 🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕

Lunar Date: 己亥年 十月 二十九日 

(Year of the Pig, 29th day of the 10th month)

I lay in bed, gazing at the ceiling, barely making the outline of the ceiling fan above me. The room was still dark, the sun has yet to risen. But I am already awake, hearing the ticks of the wall clock somewhere in the room. Lazily, I reached to grab my phone, temporarily blinding me with light as I glance at the time. Squinting my blurry eyes. 

6:25 am

I shouldn't be awake at this timing, my alarm hasn't even rang.

As sleepy as I still was, I couldn't get anymore shut eye. I just lay there staring blanking into the darkness of my bedroom, watching the light peep in through the curtains as dawn breaks. 

I really didn't want this day to start. I know what lies ahead today, but I still can't accept it. Maybe I am still in denial, not wanting to believe that it has already been a year. A whole lunar year has passed, and I am still... ... the same. 

6:45 am

The alarm finally rings.

It is time to go about and do this day.

11:50 pm

Day ends. The sky is dark and dull, the moon is nowhere to be seen. The damp smell of the finished rain and wet grass lingers in the air as the chilly winds whispers. I sat at the desk, once again staring blankly at the page I am struggling to fill. I am tired, honestly, but sleep isn't claiming me.

Even at the end of the day, I still can smell the incense of the joss sticks and paper, and feel the warmth of the burning in the urn. A smell that used to mean nothing much to me, but now it brings back clouds of memories that I wish wouldn't diminished with time.

It is difficult for the sun to filter through these grey clouds of regret and wishing this didn't happen. I wish all these grey clouds away, I wish I had done more to regret less, I wish I could rewind to that day one lunar year ago.

😕 I did alright, right?

It's so pretty!

You have really done well!

Good Job!

Compliments.

They do make me happy. 

I feel overjoyed when someone wholeheartedly praise my work and acknowledge my effort. Even a simple 'thank you, and I really like it' over a text message has brought me smiling inwardly. The mere thought of the joy and amazement that my work has brought to others just makes me feel so happy, a feeling I have genuinely not felt for a long time. 

I keep replaying the compliments that were showered on me during that time, even though it has happened almost a week ago. 

It's amazing! You have put in so much effort into them that I really need to keep this properly. How much time did it take? I think you have found your calling. Finally we found something you can win them in.

Rarely do I get so much compliments coming towards me that I don't know how to react to them. It's awkward when all the attention is on you. But it is a good kind of awkward. 

It's nice to have your efforts appreciated so openly. 

I have always been worried and unsure if my effort isn't good enough. People see things differently. Something that I felt that I have placed a lot of effort in maybe just so-so work for them, nothing of standard. After all the effort and time that has been taken is only known by the one who done it.

I am really thankful for this group of friends.

Thank you for appreciating me!

You have really done good!

Really?

I am just glad that we are all still good.