Another long break since the last post, I really have been procrastinating alot. I've been busy, I would like to say, for the month of May and June, finishing up a tiresome academic project and embarking on a family trip overseas. Each of which had brought about their own set of troubles and realisations that has finally hit me. Realisations that I have wasted a good part of my time to little avail, and that reality today differs from those in the past.
A final academic project before a graduation that is suppose to matter lots. I spent almost a good one year on it, sleepless nights and heartbreaking tears, only to receive a pathetic grade in the end. It is really demoralising and depressing. All the hard work and effort does not pay off at all. Should have just not done this project at all. What's the point of spending one year on it, but only to have your entire academic result being dragged down. It's really useless isn't it? One year of my life gone into nothing, and a bad ending to yet another chapter.
Travelling, I love travelling and being somewhere new, for each country is different. Need not go across the seas, for being a tourist in my home country suffices. However, travelling sometimes brings out the real characters of people (not that I didn't already know of their characters). It is tiring dealing with them. Travelling is supposed to a joy to me, to enjoy the fruits of the labour after all that intense research and planning, to see sights in real time instead of on the screen. Maybe it's me, being different from the rest of them.
Within a couple of heartbeats, it's over. Done. Finished.
The chapter is closing, but I am still not ready to start a new chapter.
I am just hovering over a meaningless blank page, willing for the heartbeat to still.
But the thing is, our hearts march on, it waits for no one.
"I think the beating in our hearts was put there to remind us that even when we are alone in the world, we march on. That even in the enormous dark and quiet, we always have someone to lean on, to embrace and turn to. That even when we have no one else, we always have ourselves."- Beau Taplin, The Marching Heart
I hear something in me.
.
.
.
I just realised, it's my heartbeat.
The only indication that I am still living.
Living, but not alive. 💓💓💓
