2017 is coming to an end, which the new year approaching. Another year has passed by quickly and unknowingly, filled with a tinge of happiness, regrets, sadness etc. 📟
What will next year bring? What resolutions can I achieve? How different will next year be from this year?
Questions and more questions, but no answers. The answers will only prevail at the end of the next year, but by then, it is already too late to question where has all the time gone to.
I'm not ready to face a new day, let alone another new year.
Every year fills like it is almost the same, everything preplanned and played out. There isn't much difference each year can make. I am supposed to end 2017 'with a bang', but its more difficult to live up to it than I thought.
Day by day passes with similar happenings and emotions. It feels like I am being a robot, I have no control over myself. No change in emotions, no decisions and choices made, no character, nothing. Everything feels so stagnant, with only the date and time changing. I don't know what I am doing anymore. I just get one with daily life, wishing for the day to come to an end faster, so that I can just head to bed, close my eyes and not see the world. I'm tired of feeling this way. Waking up has never been more tiring and difficult, so much so that on some days the urge to continue sleeping is so high, or to have my eyes remain closed for a unhealthily long period of time.
My life just feels so empty. It is almost as if I am just a society's toy, living by their unachievable standards of good grades and achievements. None of which I have.
Many times I just want to break down and cry in public, but I don't dare to. I am afraid of being a nuisance in society, I'm afraid of being judge and I don't like the feeling of being weak.
2017 marks another year in life for a weak and tired robot, with creaky hinges and rusty joints. What will 2018 bring?
