Have you ever felt the need and want to be alone and not interact with people?
That feeling when you just don't feel like talking or texting anyone?
Almost like a 'leave me alone' and 'don't disturb me' kind of emotion, where you want to be just you, yourself and be with no one else?
It seems selfish of me to do so, especially when I know there are others who want to spend time with me, but I'm tired of entertaining people. I have enough interactions with people in the day and I just want to be alone. I want to be in some place that I can truly be myself, a self that I have kept hidden away from reality. Just some place where there is no one who will judge and there isn't a preset and expectation on how you should act and do. People, and even closet friends and families can say they don't have any expectations of you, but the stressful thing is that they still have an idea of who you are or what they deem you to be. For my case, what they see me as, isn't really me.
These days are getting more frequent for me. There has been numerous times, especially after a long day where I just want to reside back into my room and have absolutely no interactions with anyone at all. I admit, sometimes the want is so strong that I just off my phone without replying anyone and head off to do things alone or sleep. Sometimes, the need to be alone is so strong that I end conversations on the pretext that I'm sleepy, only to just spend quality time alone late into the night, watching random shows and doing random crafts.
The phone notification lights up, indicating that there are unread messages.
It continues to buzz with each new message receives, but it remains untouched.
It is only after awhile that my tolerance of the buzzing sound irritates me, that I halfheartedly type a reply.
The cycle repeats with every message, only with me ending the conversation.
I'm headed to sleep soon. Good night.
Alone, but not lonely.
