My first entry in the not so new year of 2015!
Time flies pretty quickly right? Year after year time passes, we get older, have more responsibilities, more thoughts, make more memories, etc. The possibilities that this year can bring is limitless. However, I can't say I'm entirely looking forward to this year.
Although it is just the beginning of the year, I have been filled with much thoughts and troubles already. If this is only the beginning, I have no idea how I am going to get through this year, it's going to be really tough and complicated. Will I survive through and stay alive till the next Christmas?
Have you ever felt that no matter how much you have given, you would never receive the same amount you gave? Sure, we live to give, since majority of us are the better off ones. But what about people with the same standard of living as you? Shouldn't it be a give and take situation? It is only fair if it was that way. When you show them care, concern and love, you should receive back a little love and a sense of fulfilment, or at the very least, a response. Shower them with all you have, and they will love you back. Things should really go that way. But, in my life, it does not happen. It's more of a just give and give environment. Love and care for them, yet you are ignored. On worse occasions, you are even hated and stepped on.
I'm a human too, I need a response. Sure, I'm growing older by the day, I should be more independent and learn to be less petty about such small little things. I should learn to make sacrifices and give in. But deep down I'm still a child, a clueless one at that. I still yearn for that touch, the love, the simple hug. I need someone to stay by me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. I wish for someone to stand by me and tell me there's nothing wrong to make mistakes. I want someone to just be by my side and say that I'm special because I'm being me. I yearn for that warm secure hug and the shoulder to cry on that I am terribly in need of. Or simply, I don't want to be left alone. Where's the someone that will help me pick up the broken pieces and lead me back to the right direction? I can't do it myself. I can't go on like that. I'm just me. No one great, no one special. Just the weak me putting a strong front. And this strong facade of mine is breaking down. I'm tired of trying to act that I'm fine, when I'm clearly know I'm not. I'm tired of smiling like a fool, because I am one. I'm tired of being the loving one, when heavy heart is left empty.
Smile by smile, happiness is drawn away from me.
Beat by beat, my heart pours out love meant for others.
Day by day, it is emptied and given.
But who is going to love me back the way I love you?
