Growing Up & Hurting

New Year has come and go.

Even the Lunar New Year has left its mark of red packets, goodies and... sore throats.

Second by second, times flies past.

Days by days, they cannot be unwind.

Months by months, you are always getting older with every breath and step you take.

Age isn't just a number. It is a number that keeps on increasing and doesn't stop. Growing up into independence, into maturity, to be part of a future that one always look forward to. But growing up isn't always a good thing. The older you get, the more responsibilities you have to uphold. You need to be more mature, you cannot show your inner child self. More faults can be placed on you, and you have little or no choice but to shoulder the heavy burden of them.

The older you become, the more things you would have feel and experience. The sweet rainbows of life, the fiery passion of both love and dreams, to the darkest and deepest pits of hurt, failure and remorse. With each experience, we are wounded, healed and then scarred again. Sometimes even before the previous cuts and wounds have been stitched, another has been engraved into your heart, bolder and deeper than before. The older you get the more hurt you face. Your heart has been cut by words and wounded with hurt so much that no matter how much you stitch it back up, it can no longer regain its shape. 

So there sits my heart beating softly and slowly, afraid of the world. A heart, no longer its shape, filled with scars cut too deeply by my very own loved and trusted ones. Beat by beat, its growing tired of stitching itself up. It is growing older and loses power to fight back. A heart, no longer a heart, to feel, to love, to be happy... 

Why grow up only to be hurt?

I don't want to grow up, but hurt still comes my way.