Simplicity... it's long gone

It is the simple joy of living, that makes me happy.

It is the simple listening ear I need, that makes me joyful again.

It is the simple quietness and lone time, that makes me calm.

It is the simple shoulder to cry on, that makes me thankful.

It is the simple respect, that makes me feel I'm someone.

It is the simple little knock, that makes me pleased you are here.

It is the simple  I love you, that makes me feel appreciated.

It is the simple little things that make  the world a better place to be in.

What has happened to the simple things in life? The world has become so much more complicated then I can ever imagine. The simple little things are all gone, making my life and the world a sad place. There is no more joy and laughter, no more happiness and spring. the world has become a dark place, a place full of failure, hatred and revenge. There is nothing you can do about a place like this. You'll have to leave in it, deal with it. But what happen if you are not prepared? To deal with these overwhelming evilness that has engulfed the peaceful perfect world?

It's hard to be part of this world, when you never been able to fit in in the first place. You are not respected, you are not cared for, you have no place in this world. But what can I do? I'm just a small creature. Even if I make a difference, the world will still remain the same. The little simple difference of mine, there won't be any change at all... ...

Bursting...ugh

Hello, looks like I have forsaken you for so long. Blame the troublesome examinations and the other stressful school and family issues... ... There are just so many things that I want to say, but I dunno where to start, hope you can be patient with me, I type really slow.

Let's start with the most recent...

Maybe its just me, I'm too caught up in the bubble world and am oblivious to almost everything. Thus, people(or maybe just boys) ignore me. They just don't seem to see me at all. I'm invisible to them and my good points are all camouflaged with my bad points. I'm quick tempered, always ready to be piss off at people at anytime. I'm too quiet and noisy at the wrong times, irritating many. I'm stupidly shy when it comes to boys as I do not know what to say and stutter most of the time when I speak to them, making me feel like a retard. My friends around me are or have been in a relationship before.

I'm like a too innocent and naive creature that does not know how that suppose to feel like, to even have a crush upon a someone special. I can't handle and maneuver boys confidently being myself, the way other normal girls can.'It's weird, I'm yearning to be in love... ...

Expectations that can't be met, bringing a whole lot of disappointment and unhappiness in everyone.  Exams are just over this week. Of course who doesn't want to do well. But it is not up to you to decide. You may have tried your best but the results don't turn out the way you want or others want them to. They blame you for not doing well, they say you didn't prepare enough and it can only be your fault. What is even worse that your parents are foreseeing the result would not be good as they think that you have not put enough effort. But how can you tell? the results are not even out yet.

Having sibling do not help either, for my case, they make matters worse. You can be compared to them both. They compare a good point about you with your sisters, causing them to hate you, screaming their explanations that everyone is different and blame you all for this comparison made. When they compare a bad point, you face even worse disaster. You will not only get look down upon by your parents, you will also get "suan" by your siblings and their brag about how much better they are. But the explanation that everyone is different does not work here. They will just thing you are the bad one and you should learn from them.

And what about freedom? Besides the age of 21, shouldn't people get more rights and the power of decision making when they get older. The amount of rights and freedom to decide what I want to do does not seem to increase with my age.  At age 17, I still have to ask for permission to go out with friends after exams, with most of the time getting a 'NO' as an answer. It could be due t this reason that I have very little exposure. To tell you the truth, I've never watch a movie at a cinema with my friends before. My parents does not seem to trust me fully,as if I would be unruly outside and be a bad girl... ...